Fat Girl on the Tube
We don’t care if we are rude
You take up half the seats, you see,
And all the others smell of wee

Fat Girl on the bus
Dear god, don’t sit near us
You know, we’d rather walk that mile
Than press against you in the aisle

Fat Girl on the train
Oh Fat Girl, please refrain
From eating things which make a smell
They make us want to eat as well

Fat Girl on a flight
Looming into sight
A hundred sick bags we will need
For turbulence is guaranteed

Lots of war
Lots of death
We came, we saw, we killed, we left

In the shocking absence of any pohms to give you, I hereby provide a glimpse of real, true talent:

Worth looking at if only for the self-satisfied smirk at the end; the smirk of a man who has achieved everything in life, the smirk of a man who knows he is inifinitely better than you could ever even dream of being. The man who just raped your wife merely by looking at her. The man Chuck Norris goes to for advice. The culmination of human life on this planet. Here. Brought to you by Teasmade Revenge. You’re welcome.

Every dreadful, numbing day
The Tube takes half my life away
The other half is nicked by work
My world is filled with dark and murk
Yet just one task can make me smile –
To beat to death a paedophile.

Paedo-killing’s all the rage
Lock ‘em up, all in a cage
Throw away the dratted key
And leave the killing up to me
Oh, the best part of the day is when
I am castrating dodgy men

Example: baby boy in park
Lights are out – it’s getting dark
Baby boy is scared and cold
The night is full of paedos bold

Then suddenly, along comes Sid
Thinking he’ll come save the kid
He asks the baby “Who’s your Mum?
Let’s take you home, you are too young
To be alone in Leicester Square
(for you know Russell Brand lives there).”

Then BLAM! I shoot him in the head
I shoot him hard, I shoot him dead
Paedos are a kid’s worse friend
Paedos meet a timely end
Ask the tabloids – they all know
That all the paedophiles must go.

So, gentlemen, when saving boys
Bear in mind they are not toys
Touch them not: nor look direct
And never, ever get erect
For none of us do want our child
To appear on “Tots Gone Wild”.