Do Not Let Single Men Near Your Children

Every dreadful, numbing day
The Tube takes half my life away
The other half is nicked by work
My world is filled with dark and murk
Yet just one task can make me smile –
To beat to death a paedophile.

Paedo-killing’s all the rage
Lock ‘em up, all in a cage
Throw away the dratted key
And leave the killing up to me
Oh, the best part of the day is when
I am castrating dodgy men

Example: baby boy in park
Lights are out – it’s getting dark
Baby boy is scared and cold
The night is full of paedos bold

Then suddenly, along comes Sid
Thinking he’ll come save the kid
He asks the baby “Who’s your Mum?
Let’s take you home, you are too young
To be alone in Leicester Square
(for you know Russell Brand lives there).”

Then BLAM! I shoot him in the head
I shoot him hard, I shoot him dead
Paedos are a kid’s worse friend
Paedos meet a timely end
Ask the tabloids – they all know
That all the paedophiles must go.

So, gentlemen, when saving boys
Bear in mind they are not toys
Touch them not: nor look direct
And never, ever get erect
For none of us do want our child
To appear on “Tots Gone Wild”.