Yes, that’s what it is. Atrocious even.
I was reading a London newspaper yesterday evening when I came across an article about that poor little girl who’s gone missing overseas. I quote:
Six theories that detectives are following to solve mystery
Officers fear she may have been snatched by an organised gang who had the resources to watch the apartment for a number of days. They would also have arranged transport and possibly a house where they could hold her.
A grieving mother, possibly mentally ill, could easily have blended in and taken the girl when she knew her parents were not there. But the only e-fit is of a male, so many discount this theory.
[x] may have been kidnapped to order for a couple hoping to pass [her] off as their own. They will almost certainly change her appearance, but [x]’s distinctive right eye, where her pupil runs into her iris, will make this more difficult.
…and so on and so forth. Personally, I can’t see how this can help – but I do think it’s interesting how they’ve written the article. I mean, have they really covered all the gruesome and upsetting possibilities? With this in mind, Teasmade Revenge and friends consider more (equally tasteful and necessary) possibilities.
Bird of prey
A passing bird of prey could have pecked her eyes out, blinding her and making her lose her way. Birds of prey often swoop from the sky to consume small animals such as mice and shrews.
A seemingly harmless circus clown may well have lured [x] in with his amusing gypsy ways, then forced her to join the circus under the stage name ‘Issy The Amazing Floating Otter’. Clowns have been known to frequent the area in the summer season, and once someone spotted an otter.
This legendary Star Wars character could have turned [x] to the dark side of the force, entreating her to turn her back on (and even attempt to destroy) her friends and family. However, [x] is strong with the force, so this line may be dropped.
This legendary Risky Business actor could have turned [x] to Scientology, entreating her to turn her back on (and even attempt to convert) her friends and family. However, it’s rarely endorsed, so this line may be dropped.
It is rumoured that detectives have found traces of pork pie close by to where the girl was taken. It is possible that she felt the lure of the pork pies and went out for a bite to eat, whereupon she choked to death on the crumbs and was eaten by hedgehogs.
She may have been taken from the hotel out a back door by the son of a large grocery store, and driven in a Mercedes down a tunnel. Mindless bottom-feeding paparazzi could have caused the car to crash, horribly maiming and killing those inside, and beginning decades of conspiracy theories.
The crazed dictator of a small African country could easily have kidnapped [x] for political ends. He would have employed ninjas to steal her, and will probably take a gritty video of her chained to a radiator and begging the British government to pay the ransom fee. However, this is unlikely, since radiators aren’t used in the hot African climate.
It is more than likely that dozens of newspapers will feed off this story for weeks, increasing the worry and grief felt by the little girl’s parents. They may try to cash in on the loss of others, which will sell lots of papers and advertising and do nothing to bring said toddler back. People will pretend to care, but forget all about it the moment the next minor scandal hits the papers: at which point all support and aid will be withdrawn.
Ha. Like that would ever happen.