Scene, not heard v.2

Last month, we ran a low-down of what your favourite celebs were up to in the exciting, fun-packed month of April. Well, the little bastards are still alive and scampering around like lice on a prostitute’s… um… favourite horse-hair cushions. So, this month, we saw…:

Jodie Marsh trying on boiler suits in B&Q in
Rotherham. Hot new young porn star Stephen Fry
sweeping leaves in Rhyll. Death metal singer Feist
smoking twigs with teenagers behind the bike sheds
at St. Cuthbert’s School for Boys, Cumberland. Kelly
Osbourne persecuting the impoverished in London’s
West Kensington. A tramp kicking Russell Brand to
death in a children’s ball pool in Birmingham city centre.
Mike Tyson complaining about the soup on a budget
trip to Magaluf with BMI Baby. 50 Cent picking now-
obsolete centimes out of a gutter in a small town in
southern France. Actor Rupert Everett throwing a
bottle of urine at the Sugababes at a concert in the
back of a pub in Stoke. Politician and public speaker Mick
Jagger rodgering his grandmother from behind in some
woods in Devon. Cartoon character Boris Johnson
becoming Mayor of London.

As always, if you’ve seen any celebrities down, out or even about, email me at minnie.bygott@teasmaderevenge.com. Kisses. x