Last month, we ran a low-down of what your favourite celebs were up to in the exciting, fun-packed month of April. Well, the little bastards are still alive and scampering around like lice on a prostitute’s… um… favourite horse-hair cushions. So, this month, we saw…:
Jodie Marsh trying on boiler suits in B&Q in
Rotherham. Hot new young porn star Stephen Fry
sweeping leaves in Rhyll. Death metal singer Feist
smoking twigs with teenagers behind the bike sheds
at St. Cuthbert’s School for Boys, Cumberland. Kelly
Osbourne persecuting the impoverished in London’s
West Kensington. A tramp kicking Russell Brand to
death in a children’s ball pool in Birmingham city centre.
Mike Tyson complaining about the soup on a budget
trip to Magaluf with BMI Baby. 50 Cent picking now-
obsolete centimes out of a gutter in a small town in
southern France. Actor Rupert Everett throwing a
bottle of urine at the Sugababes at a concert in the
back of a pub in Stoke. Politician and public speaker Mick
Jagger rodgering his grandmother from behind in some
woods in Devon. Cartoon character Boris Johnson
becoming Mayor of London.
As always, if you’ve seen any celebrities down, out or even about, email me at minnie.bygott@teasmaderevenge.com. Kisses. x
Has your local shop run out of the National Enquirer? No more copies of Heat or OK! or Hello or whatever other celebrity-obsessed pulpy shit-rags you pore over? Have no fear – Teasmade Revenge is here! Yes, pop-pickers, here’s this week’s red-hot injection of celebrity doings, havings, goings and said-ings.
Brainless lady-twat Paris Hilton complaining about
the price of bananas at Asda in Hyson Green, Nottingham.
Woody Allen eating sweetcorn from a street vendor
in London’s Shepherd’s Bush. Former child star J K Rowling
coasting down Lincoln high street in a shopping trolley at
four in the morning. Russell Brand being mugged
by delegates at a sales conference in Stoke. Aging blonde
bimbo Hulk Hogan picking his nose at Primark in
Worcestershire, wherever that is. “Actor” Josh Harnett
getting his hair done at Kurly Lox Salon De Lux, Brixton.
Dead movie legend Charlton Heston buying jazz rags
in rural Wales. Julie Andrews off her head on acid
at a rave in Soho. Prince Phillip checking out the
latest Bollywood flick at a small independent cinema in
Edinburgh. Dead-head Nicole Richie buying chips
and cheese in Glasgow. Frog-aficionado Adam Sandler
mud-wrestling Dame Judi Dench in Newcastle’s Metro
Centre. Country singer Jay-Z buying underwear in
Marks and Spencers in Cardiff. Mariah Carey in a
clown suit, picking up roadkill from a country road in Surrey.
A heavily made-up Kevin Costner sleeping under a
park bench in Milton Keynes.
Have you seen any celebs around and about? Why not email your dirty, dirty gossip to me at minnie.bygott@teasmaderevenge.com. You know you want to.
